SAHM

As a stay at home mom or 'SAHM' I wear the label with pride. I always wanted to have children and feel lucky to be able to be home with them. DO I miss the workplace? Yes. DO I miss dressing nice and interacting with adults? Of course! That being said I came across an article that struck a chord with me: SAHM.

 It touched on a lot of interesting points about how under appreciated we are as stay at home moms.

I do not agree with the author that we should get checks just for reproducing, but it would be nice to see a shift in attitudes regarding mothering.

Perhaps society is conflicted about their opinions and notions of mothers since there is a huge spectrum. Some mothers are all stars, and others not so much.

Regardless of what you think about this article, it stirs up some interesting points, don't you think?

Building Self Esteem in a Child with Special Needs

Self -esteem is perhaps one of the most talked about topics in education and childcare.  Teachers, caregivers, parents and friends are always thinking about how they can increase a child’s self esteem to help them to grow up to be successful, well adjusted and most importantly happy.

A child with special needs poses unique challenges to those who are working toward increasing their self worth.   

Often children who have special needs have some awareness that they are different from others. They are in different classrooms, have different interests, and are treated differently than other children.

A simple way to help build a child’s self esteem is to capitalize on these differences, and point them out to the child a positive thing.

A special needs child, John, was very upset after class. He began crying and told his mom he was sad because he did not get to go in the ‘big classroom’ but has to go in the ‘little classroom’ (special needs class). His mom was distraught and did not know what to say. Finally she began reminding him about all of the wonderful aspects of the ‘little classroom’ and began to point out that John got to do a lot of things in his ‘little class’ that the children in the ‘big class’ did not get to do. This excited John very much and sparked a long conversation on how he was indeed very special and was allowed certain privelleges that the other children at school did not get.

 John’s mother was very clever at reframing John’s situation. Of course she was sad John had special needs and was not in the mainstream classroom, but she knew that by reframing the situation and pointing out the positive it would boost John’s self esteem and make her feel happy as well.

                                                     

Here are some more tips and simple ways to boost a child with special needs self esteem:

1. Compliment, compliment, compliment: Looking for small achievements and opportunities to compliment a child can do wonders at increasing their self worth. Make sure that the compliments are genuine and not ‘made up’, your child can most certainly tell the difference. Look for things such as how well they made their bed, ate their veggies, were kind to a classmate etc. By giving a child positive feedback for things that they are doing, they will be more apt to do those positive things again in the future and will feel good about themselves
2. Look for a child’s special, unique attributes: Children with special needs are often used to being told that they are different and special. Focusing on exactly what makes a child so special and unique will help to boost their confidence and self worth. Small details, such as being very good at tying one’s shoes, or speaking very clearly while talking to others should be pointed out and praised.
3. Specific praise is best: Telling the child exactly why they are so special, rather than just saying to them “You are special” will help to boost a child’s self esteem. Try to steer clear of general phrases such as ‘ Good job” when you are praising a child. Use specifics whenever possible. These specifics will help a child to realize exactly why they are being praised, and will reinforce their desirable behavior even more.
4. Too much praise can be a bad thing: Be careful not to overdo it, there is such a thing as too much praise. If a child is constantly being praised, the words begin to lose their value and are not as effective. Try for 2-5 compliments a day to start and take it from there.

It is unfortunate that parents of special needs children can often feel that their child does not have strengths that they can easily identify. Parents of special needs children are often overwhelmed, stressed, angry and saddened that they have a special needs child. 

The self esteem that a special needs child develops is a direct reflection of the attitude his or her caretakers show toward him or her.

It is detrimental to a childs self esteem to have supportive, loving and active caregivers. If you find yourself uncomfortable when trying to find things to compliment your child on or feel constantly overwhelmed, please seek support. There are various resources for caregivers of special needs children that provide much needed support and education. 

Taking the time to work on yourself is not only needed, but a necessary component to helping your child grow up happy and healthy. 

Be like Elsa: The 123 Method to Freeze A Meltdown

Be Like Elsa: The 123 Method: Freezing the Meltdown

Imagine you shopping in a store with your children, Target perhaps. You are in the laundry aisle attempting to decide which detergent to buy when your child starts to whine. Before you realize it your child is wailing and flailing, sweat is rolling down your back and the teenagers in the make up aisle across the way are snickering at you.

This has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit. My children are great, but they are still children who can’t control themselves completely. It is our job as parents to do for them what they cannot do for themselves, set them up for success and most importantly teach them the correct way to behave.

I have found 3 steps to minimizing meltdowns in public.

Is this a cure-all for meltdowns? Not at all, it will help though.

The 123 Method to Freeze A Meltdown

Step 1 PREPARE

Do not take your child out in public set up for failure. If they are hungry, or it is just before naptime odds are they will not be in a great mood. Since my children were babes, I have planned my outings around their meals/naps. Of course I can’t do this every single time, but it really does make a huge difference.

Step 2 INFORM

As soon as my children could understand, I made sure to let them know the expectations before going on an outing.

“Today we are going to Target just to get a few items for dinner. No toys. No extras”. 

I repeat the expectations and limits of the trip to them a few times on the car ride there. This way they know what to expect. Of course they will still ask, but since I had informed them before setting foot in the store, they know the expectations. If it is a trip where I will allow them a snack from the food court or small trinket, I will let them know ahead of time but make sure it is contingent on them behaving appropriately. I have left toys and candy at the check out line multiple times when my children were misbehaving.

Step 3 WARN

When your child begins to whine, warn them of the consequences if they misbehave. I use a clip chart system, which is discussed here. This is very motivating to them. I warn my children I will clip them down when we return home. This usually is enough to stop a meltdown from progressing.  The key is to use a punishment that will motivate them to behave, and stick to what you say. 

Following through with the consequences of behavior is the only way that this system will work, and truly the only way your child will respect your authority.

And if all else fails, let it go, let it go, and

make sure you buy a few bottles of wine on your way out!

A little about me

Hi. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

To tell you a bit about myself I am a stay at home Mama to two wonderful kids and two fur babies.

I have a M.A. in Clinical Psychology and worked many years as a therapist, mainly with children and families.

I have learned so much through my studies and mostly in my day to day career as a real life Mama.

I wanted to create a place for all Moms (and Dads too) to learn how to be the best parent you can be!

Please let me know any more topics you'd like discussed and feel free to email me with any questions.

Thanks, Sabrina

Public Shaming of Breastfeeding in Today’s Society

Ah, the female breast. A beautiful piece of female anatomy, marveled by many and lately the cause of great debate.

Recently there has been a string of incidents claiming employees of large corporations have publicly shamed women for breastfeeding their children in public. One of these incidents was on a United Airline flight from Houston to Vancouver. The mother claims she was nursing her 5-month-old son when a flight attendant threw a blanket at her husband and instructed him to, “Help her out,” insinuating that her husband cover her baby and breast. 

The mother claims she was shocked and embarrassed that an employee would do something so rude and hurtful when she was just trying to feed her hungry child. She was so upset she posted a picture on Twitter of her United Airline experience. United Airlines has responded with a general statement and apology, but incidents such as these seem more and more commonplace.

This incident of public shaming is not the first time a woman has been chastised for breastfeeding her child in public, and will certainly not be the last.

Why is the female breast so provocative in our culture?

The breast represents many things; feminity and nurture, sexuality and fertility. For centuries society has been entranced by the female form and has made great efforts to shield others from seeing the female breast. Television networks will show murder, rape and violence but are banned from showing a female nipple. There was a huge uproar a few years back when Janet Jackson accidentally showed her breast on live television. Some claim that by shielding children from seeing a breast, they are protecting their innocence. But those that are the most uncomfortable seeing the female breast, particularly in the recent stories in the media, are grown adult men.

Why all the fuss?

The mechanism that ties the breastfeeding shaming incidents together is the simple fact that individuals can’t separate the sexual from functional. The function of the female breast is of course to attract mates, but its imperative purpose is to feed a baby. Without breasts, the human race would simply not exist.

The visual image of a female breast may be too much to handle for those attracted to females. There is much scientific evidence that men are highly sensitive to visual stimulation and become physically turned on when they see a provocative image, such as a woman’s breast. This increased sensitivity is most likely due to more connections in the subcortical reward pathways. 1(https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201205/the-triggers-sexual-desire-men-vs-women).

  The biological process of being turned on explains why there has been tension relate to breastfeeding in public. Men simply have a difficult time not being turned on by the sight of a female breast, even if it is being used to feed a child.  The evolutionary role in all of this may be too strong to get past, even for those who support a woman breastfeeding her child.

Encourage instead of shame

Women are under intense pressure as mothers to do everything right. Being in charge of keeping a young baby alive creates immense stress for mothers, when they are told that feeding their child in front of others is not acceptable, it creates a large amount of undue anxiety for them. Those who are uncomfortable with women breastfeeding in public place a large obstacle in the way for those simply trying to feed their child. This anxiety creates self doubt in a new mother and can lead to depression and anxiety.

There has been a push in the last few years to increase the amount of women who breastfeed and the amount of time that a woman breastfeeds her child. In 2011, the Surgeon General created a Call to Action, ‘to make it possible for every mother who wishes to breastfeed to be able to do so by shifting how we as a nation think and talk about breastfeeding’. (http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/promotion/calltoaction.htm).

Breastfeeding has been proven time and again to be the best form of nutrients for a baby, as well as beneficial for the mother. It is logical that society would want to propagate something that increases the health of both mother and child.

Because of recent incidents where women are shamed or asked not to nurse their child in public, the government has begun creating laws protecting women and their right to breastfeed in public. Virginia has been the most recent state to do so with Governor Terry McAuliffe passing a law making it legal for women to breastfeed in public places and privately owned businesses as well. (http://www.wsls.com/story/28358884/new-law-protects-breast-feeding-mothers-in-public).

Where do we go from here?

There are two sides to this disparity regarding breastfeeding in public. Those uncomfortable with it say, ‘cover up or feed your child in an alternate locale’, while pro – public breast feeders say, ‘if you do not like what you see, do not look’. The whole point of a mother having her breast out of her shirt is to feed her baby, not to excite.

Perhaps one solution to these ongoing breastfeeding-shaming incidents is to increase employee training regarding this issue. Making others more sensitive to a woman and her child will benefit all those involved and may prevent unfortunate incidents such as the recent quarrel on the United flight from occurring again.